the stress that we release is the product
of not being allowed
to feel okay
while being honest"
Espinoza thought it was a bad omen that she’d told him the killer made a habit of frequenting the club. When he’d brought her home he kissed her. Rebeca smelled like alcohol and her skin was very cold. He asked if she wanted to make love and she nodded, several times, without saying anything. Then they moved from the front seat into the back and did it. It was a quick fuck. But then she rested her head on his chest, without saying a word, and for a long time he stroked her hair. The smell of chemicals came in waves on the night air. Espinoza wondered whether there was a paper factory nearby. He asked Rebeca and she said there only houses built by the people who lived in them and empty fields."
Anonymous asked: What is going on in your life right now? Not something simple but elaborated. Are you still sober? How is school/track? Are you still trying to be kinder to those around you?
I’ve been sober for 87 days and I am torn between nostalgia for drugs and the newfound knowledge that drunk and high fun is false manufactured bullshit with no substance which makes everything seem more romantic or significant than it actually is.
I am sick and tired of high school and the fact that I have to show up to this fascist snake pit at seven in the morning and stay until two and spend every minute of those seven hours wishing I was somewhere else. I’m not actually learning anything and it’s not because I don’t pay attention or I’m taking easy classes - we’re just at the point in the year where it’s all review and even my teachers who aren’t reviewing are annoyed with the curriculum and don’t make us do anything. The course material is redundant, the people in charge of me are more tired than I am, my peers are convinced getting an A will solve all their problems and therefore seek constant validation, and the intelligence level has an inverse relationship with the vapidity.
I am kinder to people because it’s not a matter of trying anything. Maybe it’s just me personally because I think willpower is everything but when I decide to do something and I want it truly and without question it gets done, no exceptions. So yes I am kinder and yes I am a better person but no I haven’t reached enlightenment or a point where I’m done having to improve myself and my situation. I guess that’s about it.